Five Secrets for Successful Relationships: Simple Tools to Uncomplicate Lives
by "Captain Bob" Smith
Recognize, understand, and accept that we are dramatically,
dramatically different in incalculable ways. We are constantly judging each
other by our own quite different standards. What may seem crystal clear to you
probably is not to your partner.
Find out what makes that person in your life feel special or loved. Open a love bank account and start making deposits of those things that make that person feel loved. You will receive the interest and dividends from the account.
Transition from criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling to a ratio of five positive moments to each negative moment in your relationship. The love bank can be the accounting system for the five-to-one ratio. The one negative moment is just as important as the five. The short term misery will clear the air and add newness to the relationship.
Know what you want. Condense it down to 15 seconds or less. Is this realistic for the person you are with? If not, go back to the beginning; present what you want to your mate. Have your partner repeat back what they heard. You might have to go back and forth a few times before it gets translated. Make adjustments where needed. Write the expectation down so there is no amnesia later.
Plan evenings out and trips. Then, follow through and do them. If you don't plan, you won't go. It's not optional. For your own mental health, it's mandatory. Schedule them on a calendar. The anticipation before and the memories after are priceless. Go first class once in a while. If you don't, your heirs will. Adopt the philosophy, if you are not on a trip, you are planning the next one.
- The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
- It's just as hard to chew.
- You've got to mow it, too.
- It's just different grass.
The above is from the book, "Fire Up Your Communication Skills."
"Captain Bob" Smith ISBN 0965762068
Phone toll free 888-238-3959